INDEPENDENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

                When in the course…of human life and the health carried with it, it becomes necessary for certain member of society to dissolve such culinary bands which have connected them to another, and to assume, among the presence of Self-Discipline, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of teenagekind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the situation.

                We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all young men and women are created equal, they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of physically fit anatomy. That, to secure these rights, beverages are instituted among young adults, deriving their powers from the consent of the drinkers. That, whenever any form of delicious liquid becomes diabolical of these ends it is the right of the consumer, to alter or throw it away, and to institute a new thirst quencher, such as milk, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their health and happiness.

                It has ruined our athletic ability.

                It has prevented the power to maintain a non-sticky mouth.

                It has depleted our personal funds in which we could put to better use.

                It has dragged down the amount of consumption of other drinks.

                It has been the de facto killer of self-esteem.

                It will no longer be tolerated in thy fridge.